After 5 months, today, the change has finally struck me in the face. The independence has made its presence felt. The responsibility is trying to dominate over the carelessness. The inner child has gone into hibernation, waiting to be woken up at opportune moments and a strange woman who I'm not very familiar with is steering my life. Maturity, as some would call it is a very strange thing.

I've become a victim of mundane chores and common drudgery. So many things have changed. From, sleeping on time so that I am attentive at work the next morning. Packing lunch for the next day and remembering to take it in the rush in the morning. Fighting the urge not to snack on junk in vain. Waiting desperately for Fridays and all the fun things you could do during the weekend. Putting on that pathetic TGIF status message. Sleeping, cooking for the remaining week, catching up with family and friends over phone, mumbling how the weekend flew by and you couldn't remotely do anything because, the thought of a dreadful Monday morning is all that your head held.

I'm definitely sane enough to realize that work is just work and not such a big deal; but then why does it seem like such a big deal and hinder all other activities? I only moan endlessly about how I have no time to go out and if I do, blame it on the below-freezing temperatures to spoil my temperament. I worry when I think that I've lost the ability to write. I no longer have the patience to read a book at a stretch. My fuse is shorter and the most trivial of things seem to set me off.

It is true, I do miss the spontaneity of doing things at random, the enthusiasm and the undying hope that once existed. I'm left to chase more practical dreams and forced to hold back all the frivolous ones for practicality must be executed when you are living by yourself and managing your money. I do dare to dream, but do not carry them out for the fear of being ridiculed. I do not put up an exterior with an infectious spirit because I do not want to be branded childlike.
What has life gotten me into ? Is this what I wanted ? Its upsetting how, what I came chasing as my dream has changed my entire perception of living. It still is hard to conclude whether this is for the better or not; it is just too short-lived to decide at the moment.

But it is true that I do miss life that was with all of its randomness and spontaneity. Maybe this is what they call maturity ?
I welcome myself to the big, bad, real world ! It does suck, but I think I will survive.

**Phew.. feels so good to write a long post after ages!

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The winter break has officially begun with my snow fantasy fulfilled! I was at my aunt's place having an absolute ball of a time when the snow hit. We sled, tried relentlessly to build a snowman, cuddled up with hot chocolate near the fireplace watching movies, shopped shopped and did I say shopped ? Dressed in a milllion layers, we battled the snow yet again, trying to excavate the car and pave the driveway. With frostbitten hands and feet we rushed back into the warmth for more hot beverages. But I must admit, despite all the inconveniences, it is absolutely delightful to look at the white bed of snow over almost everything.

On an entirely different note, I'm really looking forward to spending more time doing things that I have missed out on, and this is definitely one of them.

Until later, be good !

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Did you all think that I had fled from the scene forever ? Probably you did and aren't even reading this ?
Anyhow, so much has changed since my last post. I'm writing from an entirely different continent, several miles away from home and all the familiar stuff. I couldn't possibly think this would have manifested a few months back, but now that it has, I'm finding it hard to believe that I'm actually living it !
Till now has been the longest I've been away from home and the days are only going to be extending further. I'm in a country where everything is done exactly the opposite of how I used to do it. I can only laugh thinking about how I've managed till now and shudder thinking of how I'm going to scrape through further. I've had so many memorable moments which I am sure I can never forget, and will probably share those as future posts when I find more time.
I'm experiencing a colder climate after almost 11 years and possibly snow soon ! I'm cooking my own food, much to my mom's amusement and trying to manage my expenses wisely enough to control the urge to splurge on bags and clothes! Even though I miss a lot of things back home, there are so many things that keep me on my toes here !
I'm trying to survive and I think I'm doing something on those lines currently.
Until later.. be good !

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I've been gobbling down book after book. Its almost like I have a thirst that can't be quenched by any water of the world. I'm re-reading a few books just to refresh myself with the happiness that came along with it. Malory Towers for instance, I can't tell you enough how often I used to rent out that book from the library during my school days. The uncontrollable sobbing when Dumbledore and Dobby died. Then there was the Oliver Twist which was a part of the syllabus at school which I couldn't bear to complete then, and now it brings back so many fond thoughts. Oh how could I forget the treacherous Shakespeare!! I played the shrew in Taming of the Shrew during the school anniversary and it was terrorizing recording the dialogues with GLo and RC breathing fire down my neck trying to make me pronounce the words right. I still shudder when I think of the insults thatha screamed at me when he made me read the unabridged version before him to rehearse. The obsession with which Daps & I used to read Goosebumps and promptly report and share the experiences, priceless!
There are so many books that I still want to read, but somehow never got to reading yet. It feels incomplete to end the day without a few authors. And whenever someone asks me who my favorite author is, or what my favourite book is, I am always at a loss for wordsI feel that there is absolutely no other activity that gives any better joy than what the written word can make you experience.

Emma awaits. .

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As the irritation and anxiety creep higher and the summer heat shows no sign of going any lower. . I decided to follow as suggested by a mortal with a higher sense of weirdness, eat more mangoes !
So I make sure that I eat atleast 2 mangoes everyday. Its become like a ritual now, for every meal seems incomplete without one. I believe in eating them whole; not sliced, diced or peeled. I love to bite off the skin with the teeth and what pleasure it brings when the juices drip down the forearms down to the elbows leaving a orangish yellow trail. Digging your teeth into the fleshy pulp and smearing the face like a child. The cheeks, chin and the skin above the lip all sticky and mangoey !
So all of you who are tense or troubled or anxious - Go eat mangoes like there would be none tomorrow! Bring it on, sunshine !

Clearly, I've gone nuts! :|

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I cleaned one fourth of the book shelf today which is a part of my duty that is already overdue. I was forced to yield today mainly because the mother was close to her scream-threshold. So I got onto my section of the 4 part bookshelf which is mainly stuffed with whimsical purchases of pure reading pleasure from Crossword and Landmark. Anyways, so here I was duster in hand picking out books, fondly sifting through some books passed on by thatha with his side notes about narrations and references in green ink, running my fingers over the frayed and brittle pages. After picking out close to 40 books, I found about half a dozen notebooks from school safely tucked away at the back, all tautly wrapped in brown paper and labeled. It was a moment of pure joy to recall all the hullabaloo that used to happen at home a few days before school was due to reopen for the new term. Thatha and Maa hurriedly wrapping notebooks and textbooks with brown paper, thatha neatly and sometimes on request, fancily writing my name, class, subject name and roll number on the label in his calligraphic handwriting. The white uniform crisply starched and dry cleaned. New canvas shoes, socks and polish from Bata. Pestering paa for a new bag which would be relented only on obtaining the top grade in class. . sigh! Fancy pouches to hold stationary - what pride it used to bring to flaunt the flashy pencil boxes and fragrant erasers on the reopening day. New set of black clips and scrunchies to fasten hair. I'm so glad my school didn't insist on ribbons and plaits! Rushing through the dreaded holiday homework which was conveniently forgotten until the last day of the holidays.
Those were undoubtedly the best days of my life, no matter how they passed, nothing till date has brought so much joy and nostalgia to write about.

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What a gruelling month that was - May!

The sun beating down mercilessly, elevated electricity bills, a trip to bangalore, a friend's wedding, a million hits on this blog, catching up with a few friends after ages, uncertainity prevailing, mentally exhausting moments, Mavudu and Mangoes, physically tiring walks, a glimmer of hope, the same hope being shattered to nothing, Uno, late night bitching sessions, books waiting to be finished, An Equal Music, Johny howling his guts out and not letting us sleep, the unwillingness to throw away redundant items, seeing a loved one in pain, a totally addictive lingo, sitting and counting at the furnace like copy cat, advanced level of yoga, the desperate need for change, iPod begging to be charged and updated with a new playlist, delaying the cleaning of book shelves, the confusions, the longing, the dreams, the goals

- hoping June is more joyous, decisive and positively progressive.

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She read the note over and over again till she could recite it verbatim. It seemed to evoke mixed feelings from within her and she didn't know what to make of it. There was a sense of hope, yet along with it came a lot of uncertainty and anxiety. Should she be happy for the hope or distressed for what could happen otherwise? Maybe she should stop thinking about both and wait for time to bring answers as it does always. Why couldn't solutions come easier, Why isn't there some make-believe Utopian land where she could escape to from her marsh of thoughts? She wished, hoped, sighed all in vain.
Again, she read the note hoping to discover some underlying meaning to a few simple words. Words, they fail you when you need them the most and come tumbling through at all the wrong times. Weird things they are, words. They sting, soothe, encourage, praise, condole and make you feel all those things when strung together, that you can only experience and never express.

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The brush made random strokes across the canvas. Pastels and oils sprayed, spewed and spilled. Crayons treading uncharted boundaries across the center. Some blotched, some merely spread in a fit of anger. Some caressed and rubbed by the palm, rest diffused beneath it. The fingers hued with acrylics. The once white t shirt had no white anymore. Here he was, a small blot in the painting class amidst the rest.

Also,
A million hits ! Over 4 years! Witnessing the growing up. Thank you! :)

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I have never been good at outdoor sports. My foray into sports started and ended with swimming (which I am thankfully good at!) and badminton! I still recall the days when I used to watch(I'm just too ashamed to call it fielding) all my cousins play cricket or volleyball in the lanes near our house. I was always asked to "stand the farthest and run after the ball if it ever came in my direction. But most of the times, it wouldn't. And whenever I was asked to throw a ball, it would never take a parabolic path and always end up in all the possible wrong directions like a wimp! Oh forget that, to catch a ball, it just takes too much of an effort for me to see the ball when thrown and coordinate the locomotion accordingly. In the name of catching, I would end up clapping my hands together and closing my eyes hoping the thing would miraculously land in my hands somehow. Some of the times, I would even end up sprawling on all fours with my vain attempts. That was when my family(who apparently are good at some sport or the other) decided that I was never going to even be mediocre on the track or manage to catch something that was thrown to me. Trust me, they would party if I ever caught something. I think its mainly because I have an innate talent of being clumsy. I can't walk from one place to another without bumping my foot against something, or upsetting stuff that was placed on the way. My mother would still yell "Careful" when I stood anywhere remotely close to her favorite vase! And whenever my aunts asked me to carry stuff, my mum used to watch me like a hawk, waiting to clean up after I'd tumbled or spilled. Regrets apart, I've had my share of running around and covering myself with mud and scraping my knees and palms during games and a sound share of blasphemy from mom and a good dosage of tetanus for the same.
Anyways, I'm a definitely a little less clumsy now and put all my efforts into behaving ladylike.
Hey, where's the appreciation? :P

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I'm setting a whole new example to the institution called lethargy. Its been almost a month since I posted, and its definitely not because I'm busy. I'm slowly creeping into the wonderful world of sloths. Its an amazing feeling to wake up every morning and realize that you have absolutely nothing to do, no deadlines to meet, no errands to run, nobody to please and all the day to yourself.
It does gets boring after a while, but that's when my sense of randomness takes over and I end up doing the most ridiculous of things to keep myself engaged. I'm trying to cross out a lot of things on my "Things to do before you turn twenty two" list and some of the things are way too mortifying to be written here and I shall not plummet my pride any further on this blog.
This part of life is undoubtedly the best ever and would never return again. Or maybe it would return in its own different way. But, before the big bad world beckons, I'm doing all that I can to live it up in style. Trust me, its definitely fun!

Oh yeah, I graduated too! :P

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I love. I repulse.
I fantasize. I dream.
I laugh. I sob. I wish.
I giggle. I bitch. I gush.
I command. I endure. I prevail.
I am the belief. I am the girl power.
I'm the optimist. I'm the pragmatist. I'm the whiner.
I break barriers. I girdle emotions.
I am beauty. I'm the fashionista.
I am the start. I am the end.
I fuss. I ponder. I brood.
I am each of you!
I am the truth.

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Sometimes I feel like I live in a fantasy world of my own. I pretend to be a princess living in an astronomically huge castle with winding stone staircases and windows as big as movie screens. I have birds and little animals for friends. Twitter twitter they say.
I have no other work than to doll myself up in flowing lace gowns and plait my long hair with satin ribbons. My chores would be to weave silk, sing dulcet melodies with the birds and nibble nuts. The biggest confusions in my life would be to choose between chestnut, maple and oak. I would occasionally be haunted by nightmares that consist of the nefarious witch who tries to kill me with a poisoned pear. The handsome prince fills up my dreams and rescues me on his white stallion that gallops faster than lightning. No, he does not wear a suit of armor, he likes to show off!
We would eat grapes from the vineyards, walk around pine trees at twilight and sigh lovingly at the moon. Time would be our slave and happiness would pave the path to destiny.


How I wish !

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She was warped.
He was impartial.

She chose whims.
He insisted on rationale.

She lived jauntily.
He kept constant vigilance.

She bubbled enthusiasm.
His feet never left the ground.

She longed for a fairy tale life.
He lived the moment.

She dreamed.
He made them true.

She always fret.
He always listened.

She initiated.
He completed.

She said I love you!
He said I do too!

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It really annoys me sometimes when people try to impose their views upon my head in the most lubricous of ways. Everyone in this world is entitled to an opinion, I believe. It might not be the best or something that others don't agree with, but its still my opinion and I will stand by it.
But of course, there are times when I can't quite convince my thoughts across to the other person, and it irritates me all the more when they don't even make the slightest of efforts to understand me. However ridiculous it may sound, I think people should respect each other for what they are. Why can't anyone just listen to me without being remotely judgmental about anything especially when I'm only trying to take things out? In the name of doing so, why do we get disappointed when things don't go the way expected or when people don't react favorably to our arguments ?
You live life the way you want it, but there are people who expect you to do something else. And when expectations rise, so do disappointments or happiness whichever chooses to stand by you.
You can't hate these people also, for sometimes these are the ones most dear to you. All this and more just makes me tug at my hair and run away to some place where I don't know anyone. The saner part of me just started screaming that none of this is worth it. The worst is yet to come, or is it over ?

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What's with people on social networking sites changing their display names to an incomprehensible mess of symbols like @ ! |< instead of using alphabets to spell out their name ? Honestly, its definitely not a nice way to display your creativity according to me! It gets even worse when they have a celebrity's picture for display and it really gets on my short fused nerves. I don't care if you have Santa Claus as your display image, but do spell out your name, for you exist on someone's friend list not just to increase your friend count as a measure of your coolness. Or wait a minute, is that really why ? And you're provided with a status message tab to notify people of your updates, why change the display name making it all the worse to recognize you? Oh whatever!

I've been reading too many books of lately, and the latest to the list is "The Secret Dreamworld of a Shopaholic". Honestly speaking, I fell for its glossy cover texture and the affable print. (Dear lord, the cover is pink !) Anyways, its a typical chick-lit book, and there was a point when I threw the book down in mere frustration. But now that I'm done with it, I feel really funny about it, in a ridiculous way. Now I'm dying to watch the movie adaptation of the book. Also, I'm waiting to watch the TV premiere of Oceans 13 tomorrow. George Clooney, Matt Damon, Brad Pitt. Drool.

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For my music review of Delhi 6, go here.

What is it really with girls/women and the color pink? Is it mandatory that every girl ought to own a pair of pink colored garb ? A few of my friends were flabbergasted when I contorted my face on seeing their newly-acquired-eighteenth-pink salwar kameez.
Having been brought up in a family full of boys, I have only inherited their worn-out t shirts and ruggedly torn jeans along with their cricket bats and badminton rackets which I am dutifully passing down to nephews.
In another case, when I went shopping to buy a dress for my neighbour's newborn girl (Oh what a sight she is!), all I could find was pink pink pink and more shades of pink ! Why can't baby girls be dressed in blue or green or purple or any other color. Or is it put down in any baby rule book that blue is for boys and pink is for girls? What a glib way to differentiate the sexes right after birth!

On the contrary, I have great respect for men who can pull off a pink shirt and still retain their masculinity in it!
How can I write an entire post on pink and not mention roses !! Especially, those gigantic pink roses that literally grow out from behind some women's ears. I'm sure someday they would sprout a bud or two outside their ears, if you water them regularly. I have nothing against roses, but again, I love white and yellow roses the best!

I'm not against the color, but I hate women and feminity being associated with the color pink. I've always felt, pink can never look chic, mellow maybe, but never chic!

Should you be confused, maybe you should read this post on negating my own statements. :P

Just for the record, Pink Floyd happens to be my favorite band ! :P

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She had been literally haunting every real estate agent on the directory listings, tormenting every human who lived there, pestered every lady who gossiped about it. But it was sheer luck when Ahana picked up the call during one of her meetings at office. It was the Real Estate agent telling her the news that she had been desperate to hear.

"Yes madam, they are backing out. We can proceed."

Quickly excusing herself out of the conference room, Ahana called her husband to give him the news. He let out a squeal of delight which sounded pretty much as if he'd just delivered a baby in his cabin.

"Yes yes sweets, I'll work on the loans right away. It would be a costly affair, but with both our salaries, I think we can work it out. Just bring a copy of the documents and meet me at the bank at four."

It was the day of yes's. Everything seemed to be working out like a miracle. And soon it was time to go and look at the place which was now costing them a fortune and was the solitary provider of excitement in their dull lives.

Holding hands, they entered the unfurnished apartment on the 5th floor. The place smelled of wet plaster and was in an unimaginable mess of wood shavings, dried remains of paint, sand and cakes of plaster. They walked across the living room to the french windows that opened out into a balcony. The view was worth every penny. People could just not see the beauty in what they could see. In one dramatic sweep, together they opened the french windows and almost tipped it off its hinge and caught it in the nick of time, before it could land its way down five floors.

"Oops, now that needs some screws." said Ahana holding the tipsy window and leaning it against the wall to prevent further damage.

"This is it!" screamed Anuj with his arms spread wide by his sides like a hero straight out of a Bollywood movie, while Ahana stared at him with a raised eyebrow expression.

None of this was done on cue. This was a dream, that belonged to both of them individually. A dream that was mutual to both. A dream, that had blossomed their love and led to marriage. A dream that struggled initially, matured and now was close to being real.

"This is absolutely insane! I never really thought this was ever possible. It even seems slightly ridiculous for the price we're paying for it." exclaimed Anuj

"I know! But just look at it. The number of memories this view brings along with it, is more than enough to keep us going. What do you say ?" asked Ahana gently holding Anuj's hands.

"I say, I want to go to school and fall in love with you all over again Mrs. Roll number seven."

And for a good two hours from then, they both stood rooted at the same spot staring at the institution that gave them all their dreams. A dream that was now real in mud, paint, concrete and well. . some dirt!

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