2
Big bad world
Posted by Ramya Shankar
on
Sunday, December 27, 2009
in
Confusions,
Grad Life,
Randomness,
That thing called Hope,
Whine
After 5 months, today, the change has finally struck me in the face. The independence has made its presence felt. The responsibility is trying to dominate over the carelessness. The inner child has gone into hibernation, waiting to be woken up at opportune moments and a strange woman who I'm not very familiar with is steering my life. Maturity, as some would call it is a very strange thing.
I've become a victim of mundane chores and common drudgery. So many things have changed. From, sleeping on time so that I am attentive at work the next morning. Packing lunch for the next day and remembering to take it in the rush in the morning. Fighting the urge not to snack on junk in vain. Waiting desperately for Fridays and all the fun things you could do during the weekend. Putting on that pathetic TGIF status message. Sleeping, cooking for the remaining week, catching up with family and friends over phone, mumbling how the weekend flew by and you couldn't remotely do anything because, the thought of a dreadful Monday morning is all that your head held.
I'm definitely sane enough to realize that work is just work and not such a big deal; but then why does it seem like such a big deal and hinder all other activities? I only moan endlessly about how I have no time to go out and if I do, blame it on the below-freezing temperatures to spoil my temperament. I worry when I think that I've lost the ability to write. I no longer have the patience to read a book at a stretch. My fuse is shorter and the most trivial of things seem to set me off.
It is true, I do miss the spontaneity of doing things at random, the enthusiasm and the undying hope that once existed. I'm left to chase more practical dreams and forced to hold back all the frivolous ones for practicality must be executed when you are living by yourself and managing your money. I do dare to dream, but do not carry them out for the fear of being ridiculed. I do not put up an exterior with an infectious spirit because I do not want to be branded childlike.
What has life gotten me into ? Is this what I wanted ? Its upsetting how, what I came chasing as my dream has changed my entire perception of living. It still is hard to conclude whether this is for the better or not; it is just too short-lived to decide at the moment.
But it is true that I do miss life that was with all of its randomness and spontaneity. Maybe this is what they call maturity ?
I welcome myself to the big, bad, real world ! It does suck, but I think I will survive.
**Phew.. feels so good to write a long post after ages!
|
I've become a victim of mundane chores and common drudgery. So many things have changed. From, sleeping on time so that I am attentive at work the next morning. Packing lunch for the next day and remembering to take it in the rush in the morning. Fighting the urge not to snack on junk in vain. Waiting desperately for Fridays and all the fun things you could do during the weekend. Putting on that pathetic TGIF status message. Sleeping, cooking for the remaining week, catching up with family and friends over phone, mumbling how the weekend flew by and you couldn't remotely do anything because, the thought of a dreadful Monday morning is all that your head held.
I'm definitely sane enough to realize that work is just work and not such a big deal; but then why does it seem like such a big deal and hinder all other activities? I only moan endlessly about how I have no time to go out and if I do, blame it on the below-freezing temperatures to spoil my temperament. I worry when I think that I've lost the ability to write. I no longer have the patience to read a book at a stretch. My fuse is shorter and the most trivial of things seem to set me off.
It is true, I do miss the spontaneity of doing things at random, the enthusiasm and the undying hope that once existed. I'm left to chase more practical dreams and forced to hold back all the frivolous ones for practicality must be executed when you are living by yourself and managing your money. I do dare to dream, but do not carry them out for the fear of being ridiculed. I do not put up an exterior with an infectious spirit because I do not want to be branded childlike.
What has life gotten me into ? Is this what I wanted ? Its upsetting how, what I came chasing as my dream has changed my entire perception of living. It still is hard to conclude whether this is for the better or not; it is just too short-lived to decide at the moment.
But it is true that I do miss life that was with all of its randomness and spontaneity. Maybe this is what they call maturity ?
I welcome myself to the big, bad, real world ! It does suck, but I think I will survive.
**Phew.. feels so good to write a long post after ages!
|
