When it comes to writing about friends, somehow words fail to communicate my sentiments. The feeling of jubilation on meeting a few of them after years. The excitement caused while spending time with them. The warm hugs. The perception of pure-unadulterated-joy. The gushing moments of giggles and the loud raucous laughter.
No matter how much I try to describe it, you'll never be able to fathom the degree of happiness it can arouse in me.
We come from different walks of life, speak different languages at home, but still can gel so beautifully despite living in different continents and not having met each other for months together. Its miraculous how we cannot feel out of touch even when we meet after months together. They say separation increases the love, hell yeah, I agree! :)
And there are the ones whom we are constantly in touch with. Right from good mornings to sweet dreams - these are ones who complete me. Rather, they are like my alter ego. We have nothing in common. Our tastes are diametrically opposite, but we are like two sides of the same coin. We don't need words to explain ourselves. They can complete my sentences. Know my next move. Again, I have no words to express my love for them.

But whatever said and done, these people mean the world to me and every moment in the wake with them is undeniably amusing and the memories are worth a lifetime of happiness.

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Random words scribbled across pages. . . Doodles on the back cover of notebooks.
Empty confetti boxes & scribbles on switch panels.
Cash. . a lot of cash stowed away in the pocket of a jeans that doesn't fit anymore!
The first fountain pen. Blue and ivory.
The man who gave it to me.
Autographs on white board. . . Initials engraved on colored chalks.
Learning serendipity. . .the woman who taught it.
First pair of dancing shoes. . silver with navy trimming.
Falls, Cracks, Plasters, Stumbles . . aplenty. . . what a klutz. . still !
Butter fingers!
The person who gave that name.
The 21 cakes. .


Its ironic how little insignificant things can trigger such strong emotions and a sense of nostalgia in our lives.

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I am amazed at myself! Really, not self-love. At least not this time ! I am completely amused at my own ability to say something and then contradict it with my actions. When I think about both my actions and my statements, I am confused about my policies. I don't really know where my inclinations lie. Am I just following a trend ? Do I really want to be a rebel ? Am I simply pacifying things in order to avoid ripples in placid waters and in the process losing out on what I want to be my individual stamp?
Should I call it dissatisfaction ? No, not really, because I like things the way they are. But I don't want to be someone who hates change. Heck no, I love change, I'll get bored otherwise. I also don't want to lose out on things that make me happy by making people think that boredom is the root cause of my fallacies. When I actually think that is true.

Maybe I just lack skills to evade a situation and flip things in my favor. Then why don't I like people getting disappointed when I behave otherwise? People never like disagreements. Its easier to just accept the popular or the dominating view rather than be the only voice fighting for a cause that is just yours.
Again there is the big question if your voice is right or wrong. But who is to judge that ?
Guess, the easiest way out is to keep the trap shut, but I have the need to take it out! Guess I just did ! Or is it too late and the damage is done ?

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Life at the moment is like watching a movie in a language you don't understand! Maybe that contributes to not liking the movie in itself. Flooded roads, cloudy skies, sudden downpours, chilly breeze - none of these being my favorites.
Unreachable people, cut off from the world outside, staring at the firing happening in Bombay on TV - hurried calls to relatives to inquire if all is fine, screaming a few swearwords at the people responsible, getting upset at not being able to do much about it, (if blogging or changing status messages would help, I would have done it long back!) brooding over the same with folks at home, all conversations boiling down to pretty much nothing. Period.

Sit by the window in a plush armchair with a warm cuppa of green tea in hand, listening to some music I can't connect to - it doesn't matter- , texting friends, flipping magazines, munching on things I swore I wouldn't touch ever again, ignoring calls and chats - just not in the mood for a conversation -, thinking of the things I could / should have been doing, blank, nothing, standstill is where me and my world have reached.

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I was watching The Shawshank Redemption again yesterday! And hence my favorite line from the movie has inspired an entire post. I've written enough about the importance of hope in my life. I thrive on it every single day till god knows when! I wish my blog lives to be written about that day sometime further down the lane.
There are a dozen things I want to do right now. But its not always that you're wishes are fulfilled instantly. There are compromises, adjustments, postponing, reluctance and so much more standing in your way. It won't take long to topple them down and go ahead with what I want to do, but waiting for the opportune moment has become an integral part of my life. When you do it for so long, it becomes a part of you, and when things go right, you tend to doubt their existence.
And that's when you hope - you hope things remain the same forever, you hope time moves faster at times, and you hope against all the hope hopen !!
Right now, I just wish people would agree to my whims and let me proceed with my rebellious and opposing ideas! Period.

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She stood before the full length mirror and looked at herself from head to toe. The peach dress brought out the blush in her cheeks and highlighted her chocolate brown eyes. Ah! The peach dress that she had wanted for so long, was now hugging every curve in the right places on her slim body. She twirled before the mirror and let the flowing material sway to a halt. She twirled a few more times and looked at her reflection. She was always called a princess by him and today she truly looked and felt like one!

He was staring at her from the hallway and saw her smoothing the sides of her gown. She looked ethereal in that peach dress. All his regrets about spending a fortune on the dress vanished the moment he saw her wearing it.

She went to the closet in the corner and picked out a matching coral high heeled sandal. She had always wanted to wear those and strut about like a model. She sat on the edge of the bed and gently strapped them onto her petite feet. They didn't fit quite well, but she wasn't bothered. She slowly got off the bed and swayed on the spot against gravity because of the height of the heels. She took a step forward and the 4 inch heel twisted and snapped neatly into two, throwing her headfirst onto the floor. Aaaaaaaaahhhhh......

He saw her disappear for a moment into the closet and return with those toe-fracturing-killer sandals as he called them. The very sight of that particular footwear sent shivers down his spine. He'd spent a whole week pampering his toes after he'd accidently gotten stamped on by those. He saw her slip into them and anticipated what was to happen next. Uh oh!

Dev caught Riya in the nick of time, before she hit the floor. He carefully steadied her in his arms and saw a tear trickle down her rosy cheeks. Hearing the noise, Shuba came running into the bedroom and saw Dev cradling their 7 year old Riya in his arms and consoling the little one.

"But I wanted to look pretty like mummy..." chirped Riya between tears

Shuba gently took the broken Manolo Blahnik from Riya's clasp and wiped the tears from her daughter's face.

"But you are already prettier than mummy, my love. Those weren't going to make you any prettier." she said pointing at the snapped stilettos that had cost half her monthly salary.

"Now, come on, does Riya want to burst crackers on Diwali, or does she want to sit and cry here?" exclaimed Dev to distract both the women.

"Riya wanfs fo burfft cracker" said the little one excitedly showing her wide grin that was now missing two of her front teeth.

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Its funny how time flies when you don't want it to, and how it drags itself to heights of boredom when you wish it to flee! Err... I'm not sure which of the 2 phases I am going through right now!!

There are a million and a half things on my mind - Each spinning and whizzing past one another like snitches in the Harry Potter books. I hate it when this enforced schedule takes over and makes me lose command over life. But, this is exactly how I wanted my life to be, a month back. Its strange how you wish for certain things and when they come true, you don't want them anymore. I can't bear monotony. Change, however consistent it may be, has always been something that I wished for in regular dosages in my life.

But now, things have been insanely crazy and out-of-control at my end. Socialising has reached its limits and I would love some solitude and peace restored in my life.

I'm being tempted to stay disconnected from all sorts of communication! But of course, not for long! :D

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The title explains exactly the feeling that I am experiencing currently.

Today, I'm done with my 7th semester officially ! (You needn't gasp!) Yes ! We've had exactly 40 working days ! But the whole finality of college ending and no more lectures(just project in the final sem) brings this feeling which I really can't decipher. Its not of sentiment I am sure. I am definitely happy to be done with this. I still can't exactly pinpoint what I am going through.

The only thing I have left, is to deal with the syndrome of growing up and pretending to act more mature while I still am not ready for it. The big bad world beckons !

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It all seems cryptic at the first glance. You step back and look at the whole thing taking in more than what you must. It gets a little overwhelming, but you get used to it after a while. You try to change, but it is the inevitable. You can't. The power is killing you. You are helpless. You submit. You sympathize with the self. Pity, compassion, sympathy seem mere words that noone can relate to. The world now seems a much cruel place and its inhabitants all monsters. The ones who meant most are to be feared. You have no choices. You must not complain. Blame, insignificance and immaturity are synonymous to you. The once cute to be clumsy reaches its apex of irritation. What was once new is the mundane now. But you must not regress, this is what you are to be. This is what you wanted. Your wishes are now true. The regret is simply the twinge of the conscience. You learn to ignore it. Suddenly, you see that's what you are to do. You find your way out. The reverie ends right here and you wish all that you felt never comes true. Your deepest inhibitions to never surface and remain sunk in the deep ocean of emotion !

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She was sure he'd forget it again. And right she was.
Arpita and Aroh were married happily for 3 years. There life was all roses and pink but the only problem was, their day of matrimony was never remembered by Aroh despite several reminders on the mobile or circling the date on the calendar in a bright red circle on July 1.
July 1, the day both knew happiness and a sense of achievement like never before. Their families had approved a love marriage after much opposition and criticism. And their fairy tale life began until their first anniversary came and Aroh sinned and earned the wrath of his better half by casually exclaiming that - "I don't believing in celebrating just this one day". And so he escaped the following year too.

And if you expected me to continue the story with some shoddy twist, then be prepared to be disappointed, for that was just a prelude to me forgetting my dearest blog's 3rd anniversary. Do wish her well, for I'm waking her up from a deep slumber after several inconsistent posts.

For those who don't know; yours truly can now also be read at www.findnearyou.com and I'm shifting all my music reviews to http://songnlyrics.blogspot.com

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A.R Rahman only puts his fans in a dilemma with this album. It is very hard to pinpoint one song as a favourite. With Jaane Tu Ya Jaane Na music also released simultaneously, I am in a state of utter confusion. Anyways, I love this album so much that I had to pen down what I thought of Ada's musical journey by ARR.

Ishq Ada hai - Rashid Ali
Rashid has a voice that could have the narcotic feeling on you. Especially the varying pitches at which he sings, leaves you in a phase where you don't want the song to end. Personally, I love the part where he sings - "..ishq gila hai, ishq sila hai, ishq ibaadat ka silsila hai" around 1.20. There's so much pain and power at the same time. And the careless guitar strumming throughout the song and in certain pauses is brilliant.

Hawa Sun Hawa - Sonu Nigam, Alka Yagnik
Alka Yagnik sounds a lot younger than her other recent songs. Whenever Sonu says "hawa", there is a hollowness to his voice that makes you feel like a gush of air just passed across you. Beautiful flute interludes. I've always felt Sonu's pronunciations are brilliant. A completely refreshing song.

Gumsum - Sonu Nigam, Alka Yagnik
What variations! Sonu Nigam is on a roll. Just listen to the way he opens the song. The notes are hit bang on target. It makes your neck go backward and forward. Very catchy beats. And the bass guitar (??) or the drums(??) at the end of song surprise you. Totally unexpected and it makes you want to pose like the guitarist of a rock band and strum the air.

Gulfisha - Sonu Nigam, Sunidhi Chauhan & Vivian Chaix
The song opens with Vivian's chanting of what sounds to me like Parseltongue. And Sunidhi is one person who can beautifully carry off a base voice as well as high notes. The way both Sonu & Sunidhi sing the word "Ada" is very flirtatious. Finally, there is an alaap done by Sunidhi which gradates to Vivian's chanting and closes on a very mysterious note.

Meherbaan - AR Rahman
Oh my god !! I'm stoned. This song gives you a sense of hope and the feeling of being loved by all. He surprises you with his pitch at the end of the song which is very unlike the soft start. I have a thing for ARR's way of singing words with the "Z" sound in them. The man and his magical strings. Could it get any better? From the be-swaadi ratiyan in Guru's Tere Bina to the be-zameen and be-aasman in meherban, you couldn't ask for more, trust me.

Tu mera hai - Chitra, Sukhwinder Singh, Naresh Iyer
This sounds very familiar. I really can't place it now. Chitra sounds very Bollywoodish, and her octaves for 'Ya Rab Shukriya' match Sukhwinder's right amount of power for a song of love. I had gooseflesh when I heard it for the first time. Naresh's interludes have a twinge of pain that makes you want to sympathize with him.

Hai Dard - Udit Narayan
This one is going to take me a while to like. A song of lament and when by Udit Narayan, you expect a twist in the movie when this comes about. It falls short when compared with the other songs in the album.

Ishq Ada hai (female) - Parul Mishra
Intoxicating. Parul's voice is so wholesome and round. Its like a very sharp knife slicing through butter. She's 20 years old but has an addictive sound quality about her voice. This is a little different from the male version in its organization and inducement of a classical touch. Her alaaps are brilliant. What pitching ! I hope ARR uses Parul more in songs to come.

Milo Wahan Wahan - Alka Yagnik, Jayachandran
Jayachandran is the link. The opening of this song is the BGM from Kannathil Muthamittal. These type of songs are Alka's forte in Bollywood. She comfortably carries the song, while I feel Jayachandran pronunciations sound a little enforced. But if you concentrate on his voice quality, that's not a problem at all. Is there a male chorus singing along with Jayachandran at the end ? It sounds as one voice actually.

Meherbaan (Instrumental)
I feel so happy just talking about this song. If ARR's voice is also to be slotted as instrumental, then this is rightly classified. Listen to the portion from 1.20 to 1.40 and the guitar transition from then onwards, his voice sounds nothing less than an instrument.
All of us have to be Meherbaan to ARR for giving us such a beautiful album. (Meherbaan means grateful)

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She was a dreamer of sorts. Rather, she was a dreamer in all sorts of ways. From the reckless swinging of arms, the little hop in her walk, the constant ruffle in her hair, the unshaped eyebrows, the dragging of syllables while talking and all other things not primp and concise.
Today, was one of her days, where her mind was at its best to dream. She lazily crept out of bed and hopped between the papers, wires and other myriad objects strewn across the room. The sight of the place could give her mother the spooks and merely thinking about it, made her chuckle. She finally made her way to the journal lying open near the bean bag. She grabbed it with one hand and started her search for a pen that wrote amongst the million other nothings scattered around. Several futile attempts later, she found a crayon box with most colors missing. She pulled out one and plopped on the bean bag which gave a menacing whooshing sound. Pulling her knees close to her body, she propped the journal on her knees and began scrawling with the crayon across the unruled pages. A few lines later, she threw her journal aside and called a landline number in India from her calling card and spoke the words - "miss you maa" in to the voice mail before hanging up.
How she hated the time lag !!!

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Its one of those sluggish days. You feel too lazy to even move your fingers.
The leaves on the branch outside your window sway dreamily in the air. The cuckoo on the branch sings in its dulcet tones. There's soulful music playing in the background as an accompaniment. The flautist slowly drones on a note and all you want to do is stare at the same spot on the wall and wish that the music would never end.
The percussionist takes over and jungle beats play in your senses. The cuckoo gets cacophonous. Realization slaps across the face and the slothful day after all turns out to be a scorching sweaty sunny morning. The mundane humdrum activities beckon and that's where your reverie ends and you are woken up from your long long long sleep !

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Its one of those phases in life, where you wish words fail and since I'm still red from pinching myself all night and can't wait anymore to announce proudly that, I attended my first ever AR Rahman concert last night. The Live Life concert.
Along with Sandhya and Aravind's families(thankees guys), we reached 3 hours before the show was about to start. Despite the fussy security procedures, we somehow managed to secure great seats.

The stage was set the way it is always in a ARR concert - Sivamani in his cocoon of percussion instruments on the right, the compact chorus on the left, musicians scattered strategically and the man himself in the center with his keyboards. It looked ethereal to me. I used to imagine this vision in my mind every time I read his concert reviews and now I was looking at it with my own eyes, a few feet in front of me! At that moment, he descended the white steps wearing a black sherwani while Chitra crooned Jaage hain from Guru. It was a magical moment. I had goose flesh all over me.
Hariharan and Chinmayee went on with Kadhal Rojave from Roja. Somehow I felt, Hariji sounded very unlike himself initially. Chinmayee was a shocker absolutely. Neeti Mohan who was mistaken to be Shreya Ghoshal by most of us; came next with her Barso Rey and drenched us all with her smooth voice, great looks and moves too ! (She sang and belly danced for Mayya mayya later!!)
Naresh Iyer came to rock with his Paathshala and Roobaroo ! Benny Dayal has oodles of style. His singing of Marlyn Monroe with Ujjaiyinee was extremely cheesy and flirtatious. The voice chemistry between Chinmayee and Benny in Maduraiku Pogadhadee was almost tangible. I'm still confused if that really was Javed Ali who sang Jashn-e-bahaara ? Rahman's rendition of Khalbali, Athiradeekaaran, Dil se rey, Tere bina and Humma Humma made the crowd scream for more. We just couldn't get enough of his music, his voice and his versatility.
That's when he surprised everyone by combining Azeemushah Shahenshah, Rukmani rukmani and Veerapandi Kottaiyile into one song. Through the length of this song, the percussion beats were retained of that of Azeemushah's. Its brilliant how he uses his old songs in such new ways. I was bowled over completely.
Blaaze joined Naresh Iyer, Benny Dayal and Aslam for a thrilling rendition of Vaada vaada theme from Sivaji. Chinmayee and Hariji came back for Vaaji vaaji galore with his lilting improvisations and Sivamani(??) singing the dhidukita dhidukata part. Chitra returned a long while later with her Kannalane.
There was an unplugged slot in the show where Rahman sat with his keyboard and Chitra, Chinmayee and Hariharan sat opposite him for a one-to-one singing. After some technical adjustments, during which we were entertained by Hariji with a beautiful swar-alaap that metamorphosed into Tamizha tamizha followed by Uyire uyire with Chitra. Chitra came out with her solo version of Anjali anjali from Duet. And Chinmayee finished the one-to-one session with Sahana Saaral thoovudho. ( I wished she had sung something else, there was just too much of Sivaji - but no regrets !!)
I must mention, the chorus(Raihanah, Ishrathi, Tanvi Sayonara, Dr.Narayan) who did a commendable job with all the songs, the dancers who thematically moved to every song, the lights that danced according to the rhythm in most songs (esp kannalane) and the fireworks too.

The final showdown, the anticlimax, call it what you want,but this song would always prove to be the perfect close to a Rahman Concert - Vande Mataram, it is. All the singers came together on the stage and sung it with the man himself leading the song to a crescendo. I wished time to freeze, I wished to be lost in that moment forever, I was content :-)

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Is making decisions always this complicated ?
What would you choose if you had to pick one out of the many - Something that you love or something that comes easily ? As cryptic as it might sound, or as it was intended to be; picking one out of the many options is definitely not my forte. Given to my choice, I'd take a bit of everything. :D
But at some point, my whims take over and those decisions are some of the most worst I have ever made. I most certainly do not regret, for I have learnt the best out of them. However contradicting that might sound, I will always stand by my decisions and speak for them.
Of lately, I've become a strong believer in the quote that says -
"Once you make a decision, the universe conspires to make it happen."
Nothing of the sort has happened, but if it does, you'll find a happier woman in the world, if not, there will be a post following that would claim the above as rubbish !

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