After college, I come back home in the evening totally exhausted and feeling irritated. My mom keeps screaming as to how I've started resembling a hazel nut, totally browned. Thanks to Mr.Sun of course! He beats down mercilessly upon us.
Last evening I was feeling thoroughly irritated. My temper was on my sleeve, ready to lash anyone who spoke to me. Soothing music and some old photographs came to my rescue.
I was looking at a few get-together pics with cousins, aunts & uncles. 1st impression - Wow, what a happy loving family !! :)
But look deeper. See the 5 aunts? Yes u do! Do u see 5 uncles next to them? Yes u do! Do u see 2 kids in front of each one? Oh yes u do!!! Well look to your extreme right, do u see a lady and a guy with one daughter in front of them. The girl whose face has a smile, but holds something back deep within.
I felt solitary, alone, left out among all those awesome-twosomes. I've always felt that, whenever I needed someone to talk to, nobody had been around. And when I wanted to be left alone, I was thronged by more than a dozen people. I know a lot of my cousins read my blog, don't comment though, but don't take it to heart guys, I love you all. You've meant the world to me. A person who is always reachable. Somebody who would listen and not just hear me. A person who would speak to me and not just talk. I do know that someone who is ready to listen and speak, but I'm just finding the need to talk now and nobody is around to listen. I can't afford to disturb either. I'll just hang in there and wait...
"Its only words, and words are all I have to take your heart away...."

Vocab: "somebody", "nobody", "someone", "person" = family

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"All my bags are packed and I'm ready to go...." croon the Aerosmith band on my player. I think my player has earned my sixth sense, being with me. It seems to select the right song according to my moods.
Anyways, for all those of you who just let out a big sigh of relief thinking I'm going, save it ! I'm just going to college after a long long long leave. I won't call it vacation. It seems as if the weekend was just extended for a few weeks. After week 1 of sulking, week 2 of planning, week 3 of disappointments and week 4 of fun ! Yes, that's exactly how I spent a month! All the fun came at the last moment, making me want more of it and now I sit hopelessly and totally uninspired to attend college tomorrow.
One half of my mind says that I have just 20 more working days and I should give it my best coz I've had enough. The other half screams that it wants more fun ! I have no idea which one to listen to.
I've no other choice than to attend college for those 20 days, but this reckless attitude isn't going to help me!

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Why is it always difficult to get rid of something as trivial as a withered flower or a pen that no longer writes or anything that has some close significance to you?
I was de-cluttering my shelf today, and I found a sizable number of a myriad of things that I didn't want to throw away.Ranging from old slam books, post-it pages, a few diaries to broken stationary, a ripped toy and lots more... The things that I did not want to throw away seemed to outgrow in number than the things that I actually did part with. As I flip my old diaries, I can almost visualize myself living in those moments and the transitional change that I've undergone. I also got hold of a few tapes in which the conversation between my cousins had been recorded. I was almost ROTFL when I heard their squeaky voices and not to leave out my guffaw and snide remarks in between.
The broken or useless branded goodies might clutter my house, but the memories that I can associate with each one of those paraphernalia is absolutely priceless.

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Lets rewind a bit.
Let me take you 7 years down memory lane. Its a breezy evening of August. Its around 9 in the evening. We get a call from a frantic cousin who asks us to come over to their place right away that's just a stone's throw away from our house. My parents and I rush over. The porch light is off. Strange. The drawing room was rearranged. Strange again. I went in first and stood transfixed in my steps. There was a absolutely amazingly cuddly, drooling, tottering fawn colored Labrador pup trying to walk its way from one end of the hall to another. I was literally dumbstruck. My affection and love for dogs surfaced immediately. I learnt from my grinning cousin that the pup was a month old. The fella (pup) could hardly walk and kept landing on his belly for every 2 steps that he advanced. He was already showing signs of being obdurate and adamant as my uncle tried to coax him to drink his doggy syrup. Cerelac wasn't helping either. He was christened "Teddy".
Fast forward to the present.
My aunt and uncle have moved to a new flat from their independent house. And Teddy doesn't like the change. He feels restricted. There is no place for him to move about and keeps sniffing the new place. The change is pretty hard for him. The crammed 3 bedroom apartment with its furniture doesn't fancy him, he seems to want space. Today I'm furious to know that, a few members of the apartment's association approached my uncle and have asked them to give away Teddy. The reason? He barks. What nonsense? The kid upstairs who wails all day goes unnoticed. But a dog isn't allowed to stay for a simple reason that he barks? Its absurd. I feel like shooting the guy who came and said that -"get rid of ur dog, he's too loud". Well is he ever going to understand that it will take anyone for that matter to accustom themselves to a change? And its just a dog. Doesn't anyone sympathize with the other living species? I'm appalled by this reckless attitude of certain souls in this world. I'm ashamed too that I coexist with such heartless creatures! Bah! I can't stand the idea of Teddy going to Blue Cross. Where will those pets go if such absurd rules are brought about in apartments-
Do we send dogs and cats to the zoos?

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My mind is clogged and I know not what to blog!
So, let me tell you the story of how I brought my blog back from the kiss of death ! (:p)

About 2 years back there was an article in the newspaper about blogs in detail with a few specified links. I was excited about having my own space on the world wide web and crapping about all that I wanted to. But then when I visited those links, I was flabbergasted. People were writing sensible stuff !! I thought I should stick to my good ol' journal and hit that "back" button in the top left corner. I didn't want people to start thinking - "How could such nutcases come and just blab away here?" Bah! Ignorance !!
An year later, a super cool friend of mine, with whom I happen to share similar interests, gives me the link to his blog and asks me to comment. Well, I still remember that post of his about kids who sold those yellow dusters at traffic signals. I was thoroughly touched.
A month later I create my own blog and start writing. Exams come up and I forget all about blogs. After the exams I decide to rekindle my blog and I realize that I've forgotten my username, pwd and even the name of my blog!! (talk abt irresponsibility) I created another account. After more than a year of owning an idle blog, I start posting. What I had when I began this post (Writer's Block) had caught me then too.
A week later I post a poem I had written over 10 years ago, and these 2 totally unknown fellas leave a comment behind. My eyes were literally out of their sockets when I thought that ppl had actually read that and commented?!?!
And today, I qualify very well to make this cliched statement -
"... and the rest is history " ( I feel like a cinema star) (lol!)

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Jan 2003
I was in my 10th standard then, with board exams fast approaching. The decision had to be made about my option in 11th. I chose to continue in a Cbse medium with a science stream option. As most of my friends were opting for the computer science elective, I chose to do the same as I wasn't fascinated much by Biology.
But deep within, I did not want to pursue an engineering degree after school. I didn't want to join the rat race as almost all in my family had done.My parents hail from a commerce background,and according to them engg is the most dignified and prestigious career option available. I kept repeating my preferences to them, but they paid no attention citing I was too young and immature to decide. (??) In 12th, the elections for the school leaders had me nominated as the Cultural Secretary and boy studies took a backseat. My parents thought, enrolling me into a dozen tuition classes would distract me. Ha!
Jan 2005
I was still not enamoured of doing engineering, but then before I realised anything my father had me fill about a dozen application forms to engineering colleges. *sigh*
I vehemently stood my ground about not attempting TNPCEE. My parents were pretty skeptical about that decision of mine, but they had to give in at a later point of time. AIEEE was there, my mother reminded herself. But when I was allotted a seat in REC Kurukshetra, my grandmother started her tirade on - The only child, your only girl child and sweet talked my father into not sending me anywhere out of Chennai.
By June I was getting doubts about my career. The harsh truth lay before me, I was to pack all my dreams of pursuing what I like, and get an indispensable engineering base. All my cries went unheard !
And so I went against my rebellious nature and gave in only to join an engineering university here in Chennai, into an Information Technology department. And the worst part is that after seeing my results, my parents think I'm liking it !! Well, they have promised me that if I continue to perform well, they would let me choose a Masters option of my choice! Let's see....

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In this sad world of ours, sorrow comes to all and often it comes with bitter agony.
Perfect relief is not possible, except with time.
You cannot believe that you will ever feel better, but this is not true.
You are bound to be happy again
Knowing this and truly believing it, this will make you less miserable now.
- Abraham Lincoln

The above verse was just a reassurance to myself that things will get better.
My trip got cancelled due to some personal reasons. Guess am back to being jobless at home till college reopens.
A very happy and prosperous tamil new year to all of you !

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Bye Bye Bloggers and Non-Bloggers who visit me here.

I'm going away until Sunday on a trip with my cousins. Considering the fact that I was sitting jobless for so long and was making life miserable for everyone at home, I jumped at the offer my cousin gave me to accompany him. Its been pretty much a long time since I went out of the city, so the change is most welcome!!! So no posts for the next 5 days. And of course I won't be around for Tamil New Year, so here's me wishing all of u, a wonderful Tamil New Year !

Disclaimer: Comments asking for pictures or travelogues will not be entertained. Comments like We will miss you are most welcome !! : )

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May 8th 1999
It was a fine day with a light breeze and a perfect evening to play. My enthusiasm for playing and love for outdoors took me to Guindy Park a few years back with a bunch of family friends. After spending considerable time on the swing and glider, I moved onto the monkey bar. I wanted to show my friends how strong I was despite my skinny appearance. I started my climb.The wind was singing slow hums and my side locks were being swept into my eyes. I felt as if I were flying . I tried in vain to push them aside with one hand, but by that time I had reached the centre of the bar. My other palm clamped with sweat lost its grip on the bar and I fell 6 feet to the ground and landed hard on my right hand.

There was no pain at all. But the moment I looked at my hand, the set of bones linking the thumb to the fore arm felt squishy. It looked alienish with my thumb hanging loosely without the support from the adjacent bone. I rushed to my friend's mother and showed her my arm. She gasped and before I could ask anything else, I was whisked off to the orthopedic centre. My parents came rushing to the hospital. The moment my mom saw my boneless arm under the X-Ray machine, she got hysterical and the nurse had to sedate her to calm her down!!
In the Operation Theatre all I remember was a sharp prick on my unharmed left arm and some lady placing a mask on my face. I was asked to inhale deeply. I did feel funny at that moment. A ticklish sensation ran through my spine. I don't know if it was due to the cold metal table I was lying on or the anesthesia.
When I woke up I felt groggy and I imagined a dozen people around me.Someone was patting my head. Some instrument was attached to my finger. I thought I was hallucinating. But a few minutes later my head cleared and indeed there were a dozen people in the room staring at me and that was a pulse counter on my finger !

2 days later I was sent home with a huge PoP bandage covering my entire hand. I had to visit the doctor once a week and had to get my plaster replaced thrice.
The worst part was, I wasn't able to write even after the final crepe bandage had been removed. But the best part was that for those 3 months, I was given royal treatment at home !!

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Kamal is 4 years old and his family have shifted base from Holland to good old Madras and currently nest in the same apartment complex as mine.
After days of hiding and peeking Kamal mustered up enough courage last evening to reach my doorbell and ring it. I opened the door and beckoned him inside. He carefully removes his footwear and totters his way into my room. One look at my computer and he loudly proclaims in a proud tone- I can type on the keyboard too!! Looking at my raised eyebrows he quickly adds - "As long as you give me words that I can spell!" So I ask him what is that he can spell and soon my room is reverberating with the sound of my laughter, my speakers screaming "Ziddi ziddi..." and Kamal ranting all that he learnt at school.
I appreciate his thirst for knowledge and immediately he hushes me and says u spell it like N-O-L-E-D-G-E right? I teach him the right spelling and now he boasts of his newly acquired Knowledge!

Psst: With that kamal rushed off to attend nature's call and so ended my 20 minute tete-a-tete with the boy who I've already christened as brat !

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With less than a month for the university exams and less than a fortnight for the practical exams, I realized from posting the last entry that deadlines for the record submission are nearing. Now that means I have to write a abysmally long screed called Records!!
Circuit theory with its kolam like diagrams and calculations that run to pages. Oh ! I hate this !
Electronic Devices with its diagrams that make no sense and graphs that look really amusing on the lab manual but the way they turn out in the observation is totally absurd. I've been manipulating every graph value to get atleast something similar to the one drawn in the lab manual.! Hmph!
The terrible part in this whole process is that, none of these labs belong to my department. I just have to do it for the sake of proceeding to the next semester.
And so I began my record a thon and still I'm on.
Wurshtesht nelamai !

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Why is it always that when the deadline nears, you remember that so much of work is pending? Well, you can ask what were you doing all these days? But then time passes so swiftly that one moment you feel bored that you don't have anything constructive to do or feel like doin and laze around the whole day. But then suddenly one fine morning you realise about all that is left to do, and you blame all in the vicinity for it !
Well anyways, I attained this enlightenment over my 2 hour telephonic conversation with a friend.

P.s: Attention spammers, I have removed Word Verification coz it started generating sentences instead of a few alphabets. Now if u fellas are gonna be back, well, what more could I do, I'll enable it back on !!

Anyways despite all that is left to do, am off to watch Kuch Kuch Hota Hai on TV now ! Hail Doordarshan !

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