Manasa and Meghana aged 6 and 2 respectively, were the apple of their father's eyes. Bringing up the girls alone was a difficult task indeed for Mahesh. His wife passed away the moment Meghana came into this world. She was a replica of her mother with the same big fish like eyes and a dimple on the left cheek. Little Meghu always reminded Mahesh of his wife. He showered all the love in the world on his little girls. He didn't want them to feel the absence of their mother. But, Manasa was the mother's darling. She felt empty and always believed that she lost her mother because of her little sister. She used to take sadistic pleasure in pinching Meghana and seeing her cry. She wanted to be the centre of attention. But she found her father spending more time with her little sister and felt as if he was ignoring her. Manasa secluded herself from the two and spoke very less.
One fine morning, Mahesh saw Manasa steathily walk upto Meghana's room. Suspecting his elder one's actions, he followed her and saw her poke Meghana with a sharp pencil. The little one immediately shook out of its stupor and started wailing. Mahesh stopped Manasa in her tracks and slapped her for her insensitive behavior towards the child.
"I demand an explanation from you Manasa and I want it right now. " said Mahesh in a firm authoritative tone.
Manasa vented all her built-in fury. She screamed pointing at the wailing child "She sent Mummy to God, she killed my Mummy and ever since she came you have started hating me. You didn't congratulate me for coming first in class, you didn't come for my school anniversary program, you didn't....." and she burst into tears.
Mahesh immediately understood the girl's insecurity and kneeled down in front of her. Cupping her cherubic face in his hands, Mahesh said- "You are always special to me Manu, my eldest sweetheart. Its not that I don't love you, your sister needs my attention right now. I thought my Manu has become big enough to manage on her own. Both of your are like my 2 eyes, I can never say that I like only my left eye. You had your mother's love for 4 years of your life, your sister is deprived of that too. But she is so lucky to have a lovely big sister like you. Don't you have to make her feel special?"
At that very moment, Meghana climbed down her crib and tugged Manu's frock and in her baby language said "mama.. maaa"
Meghana picked up her little sister wiped her tears and said -" I'm sorry for everything Meghani, I'll be your mama from now, you're the angel God sent instead of Mama"
Mahesh looked at his 2 girls and a small tear escaped his eyes.

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Me: Why now pa?
Dad: Why not now ? Earlier the better.
Me: Seri ok, but still I won't have the time for it.
Dad: Its just for 45 minutes a day, not the whole day ramya !
Me: But still, I'll have to wake up early every morning pa.
Dad: You can always sleep after you come back na?
Me: err... But still...
Dad: Epdiyum leave la vettiya thaane irukka? Car oatta kathunda enna ?
Me: !!!!!

And that's how my dad coaxed me into going for car driving lessons during my semester holidays and today; a month later, I'm typing this post with a beatific and proud smile on my face after clearing the driving test and holding the laminated card in one hand !

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From atop the bed, little Anandita asked her mother "Amma, do I really have to go?"
"Anu, it'll be great, trust me! You'll love your new school" said her mother as she parted her little one's hair and tied a ponytail on either side.
As she picked up the crisply ironed new grey and black pinafore and matching grey sock, Anandita remarked again, "Amma, will you come to pick me up in the evening?"
"Sure darling, I'll be there at the gates at 2 sharp" said the mother quickly stuffing chutney coated idlis into the constantly talking mouth.
With her water bottle sling on one side and a new bag hoisted firmly on her shoulders, Anandita said her prayers and before she could open her eyes, her father was carrying her to the car.
At the school gates, Anandita couldn't contain her tears.
"Big girls don't cry" reminded her mother.
Pulling her crutch together, little Anandita walked through the gates to her "School for the Disabled"

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The more I try to be committed to blogging, the more enforced seem the posts. But for quite a while I seem to be suffering from what most of the fellow bloggers also do at some point or the other- the writer's block! I really appreciate the commitment with which certain people put up posts every single day without fail and kudos to the ones who religiously read them and comment!
But I promise to come up with something during the weekend and hopefully not a rusted piece of nothing !

A tag sounds so promising now !

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I've come across several characters in the last 18 years of my life. Some have made an impact, some have influenced me, some have just passed by, some have incurred my wrath, and a few are slotted in the top rung of my ladder of friends. A special place indeed.
According to me, friendship doesn't mean to be sticking together all day. The real test of friendship is the ability of a friend to rekindle the fire even after ages.

A bit of ego we might have had,
Numerous fights, some happy some sad,
Those lovely moments,
The many quarrels,
The various squabbles that are yet to come,
Making friendship even stronger in the long run.

I'm sure there will be more people walking in and out of my life. The above statements were made out of my little encounters with the souls branded as friends in my time of existence.

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She sat in anxiety, waiting for her beloved,
Days crossed plenty, emotions vast and myriad.
Said he-"I'll be back soon"
She kept waiting, never did come soon.

The last step towards the point of no visibility,
Words played traitors to their own hearts
The sharp sting of seperation like darts
Was too ravenous to counter their patient ability.

Bound they still were by words of hope,
Times were getting tough and hard to cope
Having lost their self to the other,
Still she waits, with just words to smother.

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I wanted this to be really special. I was thinking of a different way to put this up. I squeezed my pea-sized brain for ideas. The thought always lingered at the back of my head, no matter how important other things were. But still the ideas remained constipated in my mind.
Everytime I thought I had something good in the process, the thought failed to mature beyond a certain level and I would be back to the same place with a blank head. The thought my blog turning into a Nothings & more Nothings led me to desperation. I started to feel guilty that I was doing injustice to this space. I would religiously visit this baby of mine everyday, look at the shoutbox which has now successfully transformed into a spambox. The statcounter was going good. The comments were less, but steady.
And now at the end of it all this sounds like utter fiction and probably crap too.
But this milestone is special to me.
Yes, this is my 100th post !

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Alright, college has begun and its not half as bad as I had expected it to be. Its thrice as worse as I had expected it to be ! To start, my class is located in the middle of nowhere with fans that creak with every revolution, a bench that is a perfect example of frictional force, a board on which no writing done with chalk can be seen (who looks at the board anyways) and a whole bunch of jokers who call themselves as lecturers and handle the world's most boring subjects. I seated myself comfortably next to a window in one of the back benches and of course I needn't tell you what I do all day! I have so much non-academic work to do once I reach home, so I compensate on my sleep at college and during the tediously long bus journey. Anyways, in the last 3 days, I've decided that I have to get used to this lifestyle atleast for the next 3 years. There are zillion other things that are more worthy than academics and I'm not going to let this boring college life affect the other entities. I am what I am and I shall be what I want to !

Amen !

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A lot has been written in the blogsdom about the blasts in Bombay, I've not got more to add than what already has been told. The Mumbaikar spirit flames up and engulfs all the misery and fights back with an undying passion. I was more worried about a relative who commutes by the rail mode and the moment we got the news that she was held up at work and had to take the next train, we calmed ourselves down. Cosmic vibrations I'd call it or maybe sheer luck.
On a much different note, here is a friend who takes me for inspiration to join the blogger community. Welcome aboard Krithika. And as for that inspiration, I'm sure, after spending considerable amount of time in the blog world, you'll have a longer list of inspiration !! (:p)
And my personal life is going towards zilch. College reopens in a week's time and the feeling that I've done nothing worthwhile haunts me again. But I've enjoyed the last 2 weeks really well. I met a few long lost friends, consoled a few, sorted out a misunderstanding and almost salvaged something very dear to me from disaster.

P.s :- I'm looking at a template change if not atleast a few noticeable changes. Change is good !

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7 year old Nandana walked into her contemporary duplex house with a beatific smile on her face. The reason for the big grin was clenched tightly in her little fist. A cup testifying her first place in the singing competition held in her school. She walked in screaming- "Amma, ammaaaa, where are you?" Probably amma hadn't returned from office yet. She ran to the telephone and dialed the ten digit cell phone number. "The person you are trying to call is currently not reachable" repeated the electronic voice. Nandana called up her father's office next - "Daddy, I won the first prize today" she exclaimed excitedly
"That's good darling, now I'm a little busy, we'll talk later baby"
She hung up with a long sigh took the cup upstairs to her disabled grandmother's room. Nandana never liked the room. It smelt of dettol and had the most dull and vapid interiors unlike the rest of the house.
But the moment Nandana walked in, her grandmother stretched her arms out and said - " I knew you'd win Nandu, I'm so proud of you my angel ! Will you sing once again for your grandmother?"
And the smile that was swept off from Nandana's face a few minutes back, lit up the entire room as she sang for her grandmother.

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After a 6 year long wait, Radhika's sister was getting married. Radhika was seated close to the dais looking at the proceedings. She was tired of the multiple rituals before the the holy nuptial knot was tied. People came and went. She was looking at them all until her eyes settled on this man seated diagonally across her. She had never seen him before. Probably the groom's relative, she thought. She gave him a warm smile and he returned it.
She turned her gaze towards the dais. Her sister was smiling ever so quaintly at her husband to be. They made such a cute pair, she thought.
Radhika looked again in his direction, and their gazes met. He was looking at her constantly. Her heart started to beat out of its cage, everytime someone looked at her that way. He'd never seen anyone like her before. Her appearance tugged his heartstrings. She felt uneasy about his obscure stare. He took out his handkerchief and patted his forehead. A few moments later someone whispered something into his ears and she noticed his mouth curve into an "oh".

Who wouldn't feel sympathetic when you are a quadruple amputee?

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A year back, a teenager was introduced to blogging by her friend. She was enthusiastic to get her cryptic mind to churn out some quality stuff and the thought of personal cyber space was way too exciting for her. There she sat, reading all the blogs that her friend had suggested. There were quite some good writers out there and they were really serious about what they put up on their blogs. She started thinking if she would be able to do justice to her space. She didn't want this to be yet another blog. She never liked being a face in the crowd.
But something propelled her to start one, and she started writing on a daily basis. She waited for comments. There came none. She crazily bloghopped and very sincerely left a comment on their posts. Then she started believing that she wrote only for herself and it mattered only to her. A few friends commented religiously on every post. But there were a few who would comment, only if you commented on theirs. Ha! Slowly she forgot about the comments. It didn't matter much to her. She decided that her blog would testify her transition. Later she added statcounters, put up a shoutbox, enrolled for the google adsense for the technological transition. She made some real good friends and learnt a lot in the process of keying in those posts. There are lots of things that made no sense to the world, but meant a lot to her.

Today she sits here typing her 93rd post on the day of her blog's first birthday.

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Aug 24th 2005.
That day is etched in my mind. The day I walked into my campus with a totally apprehensive mind. New place, new people, unfamiliar territories, it was a new beginning. I had my doubts if I would be able to manage all this. Is engineering for me? Its a rat race that I'm joining. I would still be a rat at the end of it. I put aside all these thoughts. It was hard to not let them haunt me.I missed my friends from school, I hated it all. I began to rue my fate.
But then I've grown to accept all this and do note, I'm not saying that I'm liking it. I've just gotten used to it. Semester one passed by and in semester 2 I again started doubting if I had made a mistake. But then all this is over. I've got to finish my course and get a life of my own. I've climbed 2 rungs in the engineering ladder and in the process have learnt a lot of things. Am mentally, academically, physically, spiritually an year older and atleast definitely possess a maturity level higher than what I did last year.
And this blog will stand testimonial of all this.

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Sumana was the single mother of a 14 year old Riya. The unexpected demise of her husband in a plane crash had nearly swept the ground from beneath her feet. She was struggling in the moribund city life to cater to her daughter's education expenses and other needs. Being an advocate didn't have many monetary advantages.
She fought cases and solved almost everyone's problems, but was quite unaware of what was happening in her own house.
Riya had grown up all by herself. She longed for her mother's affection, but Sumana was too busy making ends meet that she was resorted to communicating with her daughter through calls and notes pinned on the fridge. The rift started widening slowly. Riya secluded herself from everyone. Nobody bothered about her. Everyone only seemed to care, no one really did. Her life was so neatly messed up now that nobody could set it right.
Then he came. Slowly, stealthily, like a crook. She smiled at him, he smiled back. Riya was happy that atleast he came to her. She spilled her heart out to him. He proved to be a patient listener. She embraced him and found her peace. Eternal peace.
Sumana cried as she lost her daughter and only hope in life. Death, again! How would she survive this one now?

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Update:- Thank you all for your sympathies. My thumb is fine now. Environmental engg was the only paper where I had so much to write and I wasn't able to write. Now my thumb is fine and I can write, but have nothing to write. Makes no sense eh? Bah! Exams finishing on 15th. Lots of posts in mind, let's see how many materialize.

Lady luck has always conspired against me in times of need. It is only yesterday that I posted here about me writing a long paper on the environment. Minutes after posting I jammed my right thumb between the lift doors and sported a nice cut behind my thumb nail. After a long tirade from mom on being more careful atleast during exams, I settled down with the book in my lap. I took out a paper and tried writing. The wound stung and I winced in pain. I left it at that and started to rue my fate.
The moment I saw the question paper today morning, my hopes soared! I actually knew most of the answers. Now came the tricky part, I had to write. I held the pen, took a deep breath and started on with what Genetic Diversity meant. It wasn't bad, the wound had healed partially. I swooshed my way through almost all the long answers. That's when the bleeding began. Damn! My bandaid had came off and my palm was sweaty. I had a full section remaining with 10 questions. I wiped my hands on the tissue I had. Blood again. But the tissue was doing a good job of sealing the wound. I managed to put in the key points and submitted a blood stained paper.
Bloody paper that was! Sheesh!

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"When things seem unsure, anxiety heightens."

I've realised a few things in life are worth nothing at all.
I've realised people who really love you, never show it.
I've realised words can never express the inner feelings, tears can.
I've realised people close to you, don't really care, its the ones who are unknown are farther.
I've realised that its taken me 18 years to realise so much!

But better late than never !

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I can't believe I'm actually blogging about something I had dismissed as unimportant a few years back. Health and Nutrition it is. People who know me might actually raise an eyebrow at me talking about this, but I really don't know the reason for this sudden epiphany ! I had never been a skinny girl. I was healthy with no ailments except for a high tendency to get my bones broken once a year! (:p) The first 12 years of my life was spent in Delhi and I actually started adding some flesh only after my first major fracture in Chennai. But then dance classes helped me keep fitness where it was supposed to be. But of lately with no more dance, I've been forced to take up activities like aerobics and enrolling in a gym to keep that flesh in place. Dietary control is something I can never handle. Leafy or fat-free foods don't interest me and chocolate and ice-creams are something that only saints can avoid !
So according to me the only way is to fight those calories off is to burn them ! I hope I stick to this routine atleast. I'm so fickle-minded!!

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It all began with me asking my dad to get the set top box installed two years back. The Shahrukh Khan festival was going to be telecast for one whole week. Not a valid reason. Fine,Star World was going to air the last season of F.R.I.E.N.D.S. Cliched eh? I know. I'm a friends(the soap) fanatic. And Michelle was growing older on Full House. I know all this sounds so indolent and my father put me off by asking me to prepare for my board exams!
Now today if I go back to him with the same plea, he'll turn me down saying that the government is planning to take the system off and its wiser to wait. I have started to depend upon DD ,Sahara and Pogo to watch movies!!!!!

And I have to mention the climate here. Boy! Isn't it weird? A few months back, we had water running like rivers on the roads and now a weeks back it was scorching. The heat is slightly showing signs of abatement. Or is the sun playing peek-a-boo??

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After all those encouraging comments, and my own addiction to blogging , I really couldn't stay away from this. I'm coming back with a poem and yes this is just a feeling not an experience !

Love is smiles
Love is tears
Love is full of doubts & fears

Love is cruel
Love is kind
Love is very hard to find

Love is near
Love is far away
Love is not about being together all day

Love is slow
Love is fast
Love is always there to last

Love is about being daring
Love is about being bold
Love is more precious than gold

Love can succeed
Love can fail
Love is like a fairy tale

Love is a reality
Love is like a dream
Love is so beautiful & serene

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The last few days were really testing times for me. I was on a emotional high but now am slowly riveting back to normal. But I have no hopes that things are going to be the same way any longer. I've grown to assume that anything good that happens to me comes with a big price which I can't afford. Life's becoming monotonous, posts seem mundane. This blog is probably breathing its last moments... HOPE is such a misleading word.

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