Kanne thadumaari nadanthen
Noolil aadum mazhayaagi ponen
Unnal thaan kalaignaai aaneney
Tholai thoorathil velicham nee
Unai nokkiye enai eerkiraaye

Melum melum urugi urugi
Unai enni yengum
Idhayathai enna seiven
Unai enni yengum

Cannot get this out of my head! Could I love something more than this ? Yes, even my lust to listen to Aaromale has lessened. If I watch the movie, I'll remember to close my eyes when this comes on. I just cannot imagine Simbu lip syncing this. But then if SJ Surya could do Aararai kodi, this seems fair too! *sigh!

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an uninteresting conversationalist.
disinterested to yap endlessly.
sick of snowy, slippery days.
tired of dressing up in multiple layers.
addicted to TLC.
less of an optimist.
a staunch believer of reverse psychology.
picky with my food.
thrifty about my budgets.
interested again to play scrabble.
restless to complete this semester.
impatient about the future.
a lousy reader.
and an even more boring writer.

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There are positive vibes from all around and things assure of working in your favor. Its the happiness of being well fed, rested and having nothing to worry about. Its the joy of waking up before your irritating alarm goes off and realizing you have a good hour of sleep time left. The life devoid of any responsibilities or pressures. No mad rush to meet deadlines or to maintain performance. You live each day like it were the last of your life. Your head is fuzzy with so much lasting happiness that even opioids would miserably fail to give. You see the world through pink tinted glasses. The sky seems bluer and the air has a zesty touch. The grass smells fresher and looks so much greener. The rainbow is outside your window every morning. You wake up with a smile every morning and you know it in your gut that it is going to be a great day.

And then, you sigh and hope that would happen to you in reality and get back to your chores after putting it on your blog ! :D

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Much awaited from ARR after his Oscar, Vinnaithaandi Varuvaya's music held high hopes way ahead of its release. And when it came, it amazed everyone. According to me, this is one of ARR's most quirky and experimental albums in recent times. The songs have a completely different approach and do not follow any standard patterns. And that is exactly what gives the album a raw and exotic appeal which doesn't conform to usual mass standards.

Much might have been said, here are my few cents about Vinnaithaandi Varuvaya.


Until something better catches my fancy, Aaromale continues on an endless loop.

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Wasn't it last week that the break began ? Didn't I just build my first snowman yesterday ? Wasn't it only a couple of hours ago that D & I were gushing over silly things during our chilly walks in C-City ?

Isn't it always that when you reflect back over time, it seems to have flown so fast, but when you anticipate something, it doesn't seem to bust its backside anywhere ? I can't think of any smartass quote that would quench my qualms. Time is shrewd and it knows how to play its game well. Period.

Its 10 days into 2010 and as always I have no resolutions for this year. I would really like to do a few things, but I wouldn't want to put a deadline against them. I haven't reached that state of desperation yet. As decided earlier, I did not get to read much. I did listen to music that I really wanted to hear before. Jazz is good for the agitated mind ! Daringly went ahead with snipping off a few extra inches of hair, which ultimately led amma to gasp on video. Definitely caught up on a lot of sleep, not that I missed much of it! Watched a lot of movies. I didn't know that American cinema halls don't break for intervals or assign seats either! My first in 3D movie too - good experience.
I'm trying to cram as many activities I can in this last week before I get back to the grind. I still yearn for that feeling of excitement as you flip through the pages of a book and sit through the early hours to finish it. (*reminds self that this would happen if I accommodate a little less sleep-time*). I hope to plan and work in a more focused manner. I am going to try not to cuss every time I put on multiple layers of clothes or swear loudly when I step out from the warmth into the *grrr.. below-freezing-point-temperatures. How many months more!??!

Maybe these are called resolutions, but I don't want to jinx anything by affixing names to it. I'm going to stop before I conclude or change my mind.
Until later... if anyone still reads me!

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After 5 months, today, the change has finally struck me in the face. The independence has made its presence felt. The responsibility is trying to dominate over the carelessness. The inner child has gone into hibernation, waiting to be woken up at opportune moments and a strange woman who I'm not very familiar with is steering my life. Maturity, as some would call it is a very strange thing.

I've become a victim of mundane chores and common drudgery. So many things have changed. From, sleeping on time so that I am attentive at work the next morning. Packing lunch for the next day and remembering to take it in the rush in the morning. Fighting the urge not to snack on junk in vain. Waiting desperately for Fridays and all the fun things you could do during the weekend. Putting on that pathetic TGIF status message. Sleeping, cooking for the remaining week, catching up with family and friends over phone, mumbling how the weekend flew by and you couldn't remotely do anything because, the thought of a dreadful Monday morning is all that your head held.

I'm definitely sane enough to realize that work is just work and not such a big deal; but then why does it seem like such a big deal and hinder all other activities? I only moan endlessly about how I have no time to go out and if I do, blame it on the below-freezing temperatures to spoil my temperament. I worry when I think that I've lost the ability to write. I no longer have the patience to read a book at a stretch. My fuse is shorter and the most trivial of things seem to set me off.

It is true, I do miss the spontaneity of doing things at random, the enthusiasm and the undying hope that once existed. I'm left to chase more practical dreams and forced to hold back all the frivolous ones for practicality must be executed when you are living by yourself and managing your money. I do dare to dream, but do not carry them out for the fear of being ridiculed. I do not put up an exterior with an infectious spirit because I do not want to be branded childlike.
What has life gotten me into ? Is this what I wanted ? Its upsetting how, what I came chasing as my dream has changed my entire perception of living. It still is hard to conclude whether this is for the better or not; it is just too short-lived to decide at the moment.

But it is true that I do miss life that was with all of its randomness and spontaneity. Maybe this is what they call maturity ?
I welcome myself to the big, bad, real world ! It does suck, but I think I will survive.

**Phew.. feels so good to write a long post after ages!

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The winter break has officially begun with my snow fantasy fulfilled! I was at my aunt's place having an absolute ball of a time when the snow hit. We sled, tried relentlessly to build a snowman, cuddled up with hot chocolate near the fireplace watching movies, shopped shopped and did I say shopped ? Dressed in a milllion layers, we battled the snow yet again, trying to excavate the car and pave the driveway. With frostbitten hands and feet we rushed back into the warmth for more hot beverages. But I must admit, despite all the inconveniences, it is absolutely delightful to look at the white bed of snow over almost everything.

On an entirely different note, I'm really looking forward to spending more time doing things that I have missed out on, and this is definitely one of them.

Until later, be good !

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Did you all think that I had fled from the scene forever ? Probably you did and aren't even reading this ?
Anyhow, so much has changed since my last post. I'm writing from an entirely different continent, several miles away from home and all the familiar stuff. I couldn't possibly think this would have manifested a few months back, but now that it has, I'm finding it hard to believe that I'm actually living it !
Till now has been the longest I've been away from home and the days are only going to be extending further. I'm in a country where everything is done exactly the opposite of how I used to do it. I can only laugh thinking about how I've managed till now and shudder thinking of how I'm going to scrape through further. I've had so many memorable moments which I am sure I can never forget, and will probably share those as future posts when I find more time.
I'm experiencing a colder climate after almost 11 years and possibly snow soon ! I'm cooking my own food, much to my mom's amusement and trying to manage my expenses wisely enough to control the urge to splurge on bags and clothes! Even though I miss a lot of things back home, there are so many things that keep me on my toes here !
I'm trying to survive and I think I'm doing something on those lines currently.
Until later.. be good !

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I've been gobbling down book after book. Its almost like I have a thirst that can't be quenched by any water of the world. I'm re-reading a few books just to refresh myself with the happiness that came along with it. Malory Towers for instance, I can't tell you enough how often I used to rent out that book from the library during my school days. The uncontrollable sobbing when Dumbledore and Dobby died. Then there was the Oliver Twist which was a part of the syllabus at school which I couldn't bear to complete then, and now it brings back so many fond thoughts. Oh how could I forget the treacherous Shakespeare!! I played the shrew in Taming of the Shrew during the school anniversary and it was terrorizing recording the dialogues with GLo and RC breathing fire down my neck trying to make me pronounce the words right. I still shudder when I think of the insults thatha screamed at me when he made me read the unabridged version before him to rehearse. The obsession with which Daps & I used to read Goosebumps and promptly report and share the experiences, priceless!
There are so many books that I still want to read, but somehow never got to reading yet. It feels incomplete to end the day without a few authors. And whenever someone asks me who my favorite author is, or what my favourite book is, I am always at a loss for wordsI feel that there is absolutely no other activity that gives any better joy than what the written word can make you experience.

Emma awaits. .

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As the irritation and anxiety creep higher and the summer heat shows no sign of going any lower. . I decided to follow as suggested by a mortal with a higher sense of weirdness, eat more mangoes !
So I make sure that I eat atleast 2 mangoes everyday. Its become like a ritual now, for every meal seems incomplete without one. I believe in eating them whole; not sliced, diced or peeled. I love to bite off the skin with the teeth and what pleasure it brings when the juices drip down the forearms down to the elbows leaving a orangish yellow trail. Digging your teeth into the fleshy pulp and smearing the face like a child. The cheeks, chin and the skin above the lip all sticky and mangoey !
So all of you who are tense or troubled or anxious - Go eat mangoes like there would be none tomorrow! Bring it on, sunshine !

Clearly, I've gone nuts! :|

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I cleaned one fourth of the book shelf today which is a part of my duty that is already overdue. I was forced to yield today mainly because the mother was close to her scream-threshold. So I got onto my section of the 4 part bookshelf which is mainly stuffed with whimsical purchases of pure reading pleasure from Crossword and Landmark. Anyways, so here I was duster in hand picking out books, fondly sifting through some books passed on by thatha with his side notes about narrations and references in green ink, running my fingers over the frayed and brittle pages. After picking out close to 40 books, I found about half a dozen notebooks from school safely tucked away at the back, all tautly wrapped in brown paper and labeled. It was a moment of pure joy to recall all the hullabaloo that used to happen at home a few days before school was due to reopen for the new term. Thatha and Maa hurriedly wrapping notebooks and textbooks with brown paper, thatha neatly and sometimes on request, fancily writing my name, class, subject name and roll number on the label in his calligraphic handwriting. The white uniform crisply starched and dry cleaned. New canvas shoes, socks and polish from Bata. Pestering paa for a new bag which would be relented only on obtaining the top grade in class. . sigh! Fancy pouches to hold stationary - what pride it used to bring to flaunt the flashy pencil boxes and fragrant erasers on the reopening day. New set of black clips and scrunchies to fasten hair. I'm so glad my school didn't insist on ribbons and plaits! Rushing through the dreaded holiday homework which was conveniently forgotten until the last day of the holidays.
Those were undoubtedly the best days of my life, no matter how they passed, nothing till date has brought so much joy and nostalgia to write about.

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What a gruelling month that was - May!

The sun beating down mercilessly, elevated electricity bills, a trip to bangalore, a friend's wedding, a million hits on this blog, catching up with a few friends after ages, uncertainity prevailing, mentally exhausting moments, Mavudu and Mangoes, physically tiring walks, a glimmer of hope, the same hope being shattered to nothing, Uno, late night bitching sessions, books waiting to be finished, An Equal Music, Johny howling his guts out and not letting us sleep, the unwillingness to throw away redundant items, seeing a loved one in pain, a totally addictive lingo, sitting and counting at the furnace like copy cat, advanced level of yoga, the desperate need for change, iPod begging to be charged and updated with a new playlist, delaying the cleaning of book shelves, the confusions, the longing, the dreams, the goals

- hoping June is more joyous, decisive and positively progressive.

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She read the note over and over again till she could recite it verbatim. It seemed to evoke mixed feelings from within her and she didn't know what to make of it. There was a sense of hope, yet along with it came a lot of uncertainty and anxiety. Should she be happy for the hope or distressed for what could happen otherwise? Maybe she should stop thinking about both and wait for time to bring answers as it does always. Why couldn't solutions come easier, Why isn't there some make-believe Utopian land where she could escape to from her marsh of thoughts? She wished, hoped, sighed all in vain.
Again, she read the note hoping to discover some underlying meaning to a few simple words. Words, they fail you when you need them the most and come tumbling through at all the wrong times. Weird things they are, words. They sting, soothe, encourage, praise, condole and make you feel all those things when strung together, that you can only experience and never express.

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The brush made random strokes across the canvas. Pastels and oils sprayed, spewed and spilled. Crayons treading uncharted boundaries across the center. Some blotched, some merely spread in a fit of anger. Some caressed and rubbed by the palm, rest diffused beneath it. The fingers hued with acrylics. The once white t shirt had no white anymore. Here he was, a small blot in the painting class amidst the rest.

Also,
A million hits ! Over 4 years! Witnessing the growing up. Thank you! :)

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I have never been good at outdoor sports. My foray into sports started and ended with swimming (which I am thankfully good at!) and badminton! I still recall the days when I used to watch(I'm just too ashamed to call it fielding) all my cousins play cricket or volleyball in the lanes near our house. I was always asked to "stand the farthest and run after the ball if it ever came in my direction. But most of the times, it wouldn't. And whenever I was asked to throw a ball, it would never take a parabolic path and always end up in all the possible wrong directions like a wimp! Oh forget that, to catch a ball, it just takes too much of an effort for me to see the ball when thrown and coordinate the locomotion accordingly. In the name of catching, I would end up clapping my hands together and closing my eyes hoping the thing would miraculously land in my hands somehow. Some of the times, I would even end up sprawling on all fours with my vain attempts. That was when my family(who apparently are good at some sport or the other) decided that I was never going to even be mediocre on the track or manage to catch something that was thrown to me. Trust me, they would party if I ever caught something. I think its mainly because I have an innate talent of being clumsy. I can't walk from one place to another without bumping my foot against something, or upsetting stuff that was placed on the way. My mother would still yell "Careful" when I stood anywhere remotely close to her favorite vase! And whenever my aunts asked me to carry stuff, my mum used to watch me like a hawk, waiting to clean up after I'd tumbled or spilled. Regrets apart, I've had my share of running around and covering myself with mud and scraping my knees and palms during games and a sound share of blasphemy from mom and a good dosage of tetanus for the same.
Anyways, I'm a definitely a little less clumsy now and put all my efforts into behaving ladylike.
Hey, where's the appreciation? :P

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I'm setting a whole new example to the institution called lethargy. Its been almost a month since I posted, and its definitely not because I'm busy. I'm slowly creeping into the wonderful world of sloths. Its an amazing feeling to wake up every morning and realize that you have absolutely nothing to do, no deadlines to meet, no errands to run, nobody to please and all the day to yourself.
It does gets boring after a while, but that's when my sense of randomness takes over and I end up doing the most ridiculous of things to keep myself engaged. I'm trying to cross out a lot of things on my "Things to do before you turn twenty two" list and some of the things are way too mortifying to be written here and I shall not plummet my pride any further on this blog.
This part of life is undoubtedly the best ever and would never return again. Or maybe it would return in its own different way. But, before the big bad world beckons, I'm doing all that I can to live it up in style. Trust me, its definitely fun!

Oh yeah, I graduated too! :P

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I love. I repulse.
I fantasize. I dream.
I laugh. I sob. I wish.
I giggle. I bitch. I gush.
I command. I endure. I prevail.
I am the belief. I am the girl power.
I'm the optimist. I'm the pragmatist. I'm the whiner.
I break barriers. I girdle emotions.
I am beauty. I'm the fashionista.
I am the start. I am the end.
I fuss. I ponder. I brood.
I am each of you!
I am the truth.

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Sometimes I feel like I live in a fantasy world of my own. I pretend to be a princess living in an astronomically huge castle with winding stone staircases and windows as big as movie screens. I have birds and little animals for friends. Twitter twitter they say.
I have no other work than to doll myself up in flowing lace gowns and plait my long hair with satin ribbons. My chores would be to weave silk, sing dulcet melodies with the birds and nibble nuts. The biggest confusions in my life would be to choose between chestnut, maple and oak. I would occasionally be haunted by nightmares that consist of the nefarious witch who tries to kill me with a poisoned pear. The handsome prince fills up my dreams and rescues me on his white stallion that gallops faster than lightning. No, he does not wear a suit of armor, he likes to show off!
We would eat grapes from the vineyards, walk around pine trees at twilight and sigh lovingly at the moon. Time would be our slave and happiness would pave the path to destiny.


How I wish !

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She was warped.
He was impartial.

She chose whims.
He insisted on rationale.

She lived jauntily.
He kept constant vigilance.

She bubbled enthusiasm.
His feet never left the ground.

She longed for a fairy tale life.
He lived the moment.

She dreamed.
He made them true.

She always fret.
He always listened.

She initiated.
He completed.

She said I love you!
He said I do too!

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It really annoys me sometimes when people try to impose their views upon my head in the most lubricous of ways. Everyone in this world is entitled to an opinion, I believe. It might not be the best or something that others don't agree with, but its still my opinion and I will stand by it.
But of course, there are times when I can't quite convince my thoughts across to the other person, and it irritates me all the more when they don't even make the slightest of efforts to understand me. However ridiculous it may sound, I think people should respect each other for what they are. Why can't anyone just listen to me without being remotely judgmental about anything especially when I'm only trying to take things out? In the name of doing so, why do we get disappointed when things don't go the way expected or when people don't react favorably to our arguments ?
You live life the way you want it, but there are people who expect you to do something else. And when expectations rise, so do disappointments or happiness whichever chooses to stand by you.
You can't hate these people also, for sometimes these are the ones most dear to you. All this and more just makes me tug at my hair and run away to some place where I don't know anyone. The saner part of me just started screaming that none of this is worth it. The worst is yet to come, or is it over ?

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