What is your problem in life? I understand you have been living abroad for two years. But before that you lived in India only no for 22 years? If you cross seven seas and two oceans means you will forget where you came from ah ? This and all is unacceptable I am telling you.

What is this everyday you are tweeting about all these foods with complicated names? You were eating cone ice and Bhel Puri in Gangotri all this time and suddenly you like only Apfelstrudel, Tiramisu and Biscotti  ah ? You knew only Good Day and Milk Bikkis and now you want only Biscotti. Idiots.

And then you put status message saying "Parmesan is so much better than Cheddar in Fettuccine". Have you even tasted anything other than Amul cheese? Just because you want to show off you must not do this. For all that sour sour cheese you are eating, you are going to become one jumbo case. Then you will talk about importance of health. You are all one health sciences student. Chi, shame shame.

It is ok if you left it at eating, but no, you want to bake. You will go buy all cheap items from the baking section at Walmart. Cookie sheet, baking pan, all-purpose flour. Do you even know the difference between Aata and Maida ? "Love the smell of Vanilla extract" it seems. Given a choice, would you have ever eaten Vanilla ice cream in India? All this you will do and the expenses you will put in the shared monthly account with your roommates.

No, wait. I am asking, have you at least boiled water by yourself in India. That is too much - did you even know where the kitchen was in your house? After making a big mess, you will catch one friend who has a DSLR camera and make him take fancy photos, put one watermark also on the picture. This you will put in an album named "Apartment Number Culinary Experiments". So cryptic you think? Stalker will come and catch you. Stupid.

I would stop here, but no, 4 days later you will say "Thayir saadham is the best comfort food ever" , "Grand Sweets, I miss you!" This is what will happen if you keep eating all that Parmesan, Ricotta, Sapotta nonsense. Diarrhea came, no?

Kanna, what I am telling is, you need to have limits. Gone America means no dancing over head. Feet keep on ground, ok? Thalaivar has told! Okbye!

Note: Because despite being peters, all of us are a little local at heart.

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I've been considering getting a tattoo for about 6 months now. Yes, this is about when you will hear my mother yelling things like "Is this why we sent you to America?" "What if you marry into a family that doesn't approve of it" "What will xxx maami and yyy maama say"  and more such things. But in her heart she knows that I wouldn't care for any of it if I set my heart on it. Yet, convincing my mom is of prime importance. *makes milk dripping face*

One Sunday morning, in one of my video chat sessions with my parents, I tried the best argument I could think of at that  moment - my maid! She has her husband's name on her left forearm. I know, Pativrata and all it seems. But hey, it's the first thing that came to my mind since I couldn't cite the example of the friend who got a tattoo. Just for your knowledge, she ended up marrying a tullukapaiyyan and we all know how that conversation would end.

But, if you ask me why I want to get a tattoo done, I might not have a very convincing answer. I find the idea very intriguing and adventurous and hence my inclination towards it. I have often done a lot of things impulsively and regret some later. So, the question of what to ink takes prime importance and hence justifies me taking the time to sleep over the idea. I definitely don't want one of those curly flowers or creepy butterflies. That's so clichéd. There are too many people getting mysterious sounding sanskrit words, dancing ganeshas and oms. Even that much display of religiousness is not going to convince my family. Yup, we're tough nuts to crack. Here's Tambrahmrage about the epic sama veda tattoo! :P 

Anyhow, the whole idea itself isn't something that our traditionalists are open to, but with more TamBrahm households eating pasta and lasagna over poondu rasam and vendekkai curry, tattoo acceptance is not too far away. But sadly, my family does not constitute the wildest bunch of berries and since I've earned that tag for myself - I might as well be a trailblazer in this aspect. I went way ahead of myself and even envisioned myself in a maroon madisaar with a custom made blouse that shows off the tattoo on my back.Of course, the boy would wear his panchakacham and sport a clichéd sun on his well trained arms. Sigh!

*Off to think of excuses to convince the mother.

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